Chapter Seventeen: Balance


There was so much she wanted to tell him, but she knew if she got into it now she would just have to say everything all over again when the others got home. So she was content to just hold him and be held by him, secure in the knowledge that their love was special and everything was as it should be. She smiled as she thought about all they had gone through to get to this place, all the heartache and pain to wind up where they were always meant to be. She stroked Spike’s chest lovingly and he pulled her tighter against him bringing her hand to his lips for a kiss and then placing it over his heart.


“When I think about this whole thing, what really strikes me is that it all happened in such a short amount of time,” Spike remarked. “And yet it felt like an eternity.” Dawn was thoughtful before replying,


“I’m sorry that you had to go through that, sorry you had to watch Dru hurt Anya.” Spike looked at her bleakly.


“How could you possibly love me knowing what I used to be?”


“It’s because of what you used to be that I love and admire who you are now. The fact that you have that in you but you fight against it and choose to follow the path you’re on now; it’s extraordinary.” She leaned up to look him in the eye. “I know you did horrible, terrifying things before you got the chip, but that’s not who you are anymore. And now, even without the chip, you still continue to do good.” She leaned down and they kissed tenderly then she lay back down to rest against him. After awhile she said quietly, “Xander honestly feels bad about what he did; do you think you’ll ever be able to forgive him?” Spike shifted uncomfortably.


“I don’t know.” He caressed her back, his expression sad. “Given my past I can understand why he thought I might be capable of that, but it still hurt. He was just so bloody eager to believe the worst. I thought we were getting past all that, starting to become friends.” He shrugged. “I guess I was wrong.” Dawn frowned slightly.


“I think Xander sees things in black and white. With you and Anya he’s had to learn about the grey areas and that’s something he has a lot of difficulty with. I know he acted like a total dick, but I also know that he realizes that and feels awful. I hope you guys can work things out eventually. He’s a good guy to have for a friend; you both are.”


“I’ll think about it,” Spike agreed. “It’d be kind of nice to see him grovel a bit though. Give the boy a little humility!” They both laughed and Dawn hugged him tightly.



Anya glanced at Xander as they waited for the doctor to come back. The others had stayed in the waiting room, but she had wanted Xander there during the tests. They might have been having some problems, but he was still the person she wanted to be with when she was nervous or scared. She watched as he paced around the room in agitation.


“Xander, calm down. Why are you so…edgy? I’m sure everything is okay; this is just a precaution.” He came over and took her hand.


“I know. I just…every time I think about how you looked when we found you, what she did to you…” He dropped his head and pulled her into his arms. “I should never have let you go by yourself that night.” She touched his cheek, but before she could say anything the doctor came in.


“Well! Everything looks fine; there seems to be no damage anywhere. What did you say happened to you?” The doctor gave them a curious look.


“Uh, um, I was in a, uh, car accident. My friend thought I should get checked out to make sure there weren’t any, uh…”


“Internal injuries,” Xander finished. “We figured it was better to be safe than sorry.” They looked at each other and Anya nodded at the doctor. He eyed them suspiciously before saying,


“No internal injuries; everything checks out fine.” They thanked him and then headed out to tell Willow, Tara, and Giles. Xander took Anya’s hand and said,


“I’ve had about as much of this place as I can stand. Let’s get the hell out of here.”



For the past few hours all Drusilla had done was sit and stare at the wall with a silly grin on her face. No babbling, no impossible to understand predictions, just a smile and silence. Sorcha was beginning to get a little concerned. That girl had done something to her and, not that she gave a damn about Dru, but the situation worried her. Whatever she had done had rendered Drusilla useless, well more useless than before. She turned to Brigham.


“Find out who that girl was; I’m going to see if the prophets know anything although I will be greatly surprised if they do. They haven’t been of much use to us lately.” She gestured to Drusilla. “And have someone do something with her; she makes my skin crawl.” Then she turned and left the room. Brigham walked over to help Drusilla into the other room, but when he touched her arm she turned to him and whispered,


“Don’t worry. Soon the light will come and save us all.” She smiled happily and touched his cheek. Brigham felt slightly dizzy, but recovered quickly.


“Come on, I think you need to lie down.” He led her to her bed and she snuggled into the blankets with a contented sigh. He watched her for a moment wondering if she had just been babbling nonsense again or if she had known what she was saying. He shook himself out of his reverie, flipped off the light, and left the room. After he was gone Drusilla giggled into the silence and then drifted off to sleep.



Anya opened the front door as Spike and Dawn were emerging from the bedroom. She stopped suddenly and backed up preventing the others from coming in.


“Are we interrupting? We can leave.” Dawn grinned and waved for her to come in.


“You’re not interrupting anything; we were just talking.” Anya gave her a knowing look, but kept her thoughts to herself. “You did a magnificent job; doctor said everything is as it should be. We had to make up some silly story about why I wanted the tests and I’m not sure he totally bought it. I’m pretty sure he thought we were a little nuts.” Dawn smiled and asked,


“Anybody hungry?” Most of them were so Dawn made some coffee and everyone grabbed something to snack on and settled down in the living room. Spike pulled Dawn into his lap, needing her close and she snuggled comfortably into his arms. Giles removed his glasses as he watched Dawn affectionately.


“I think I speak for everyone when I say we’re very curious about your newfound abilities. Do you feel like talking about it now?” he asked.


“I’ve just been waiting for the right time.” She looked around at all of them. “I’ll explain the basics and then you guys can ask questions. I’ll answer what I can.” Anya raised her hand slightly.


“I already have a question. When you say you’ll answer what you can, does that mean you might not know an answer or that we might not be allowed to know?” Giles looked at her in surprise.


“Interesting question, Anya.”


“You don’t have to look so shocked, Rupert!” She said as she shot him a teasing look. Giles stumbled over his words for a moment before realizing she was joking and gave her a small smile. They all looked back at Dawn for an answer.


“A, uh, a little bit of both, actually.” She took a deep breath and then began, “The monks made me human but, at the core, the energy is what holds me together; it sustains me, keeps me alive. I was never completely transformed just…changed on a certain level. Everything around me, everything I do affects what’s inside me. Before it only worked through me; I was never able to tap into it and use it for my own purposes.” She looked at Spike and brushed his cheek. “Spike changed that.”


“Spike?” They all said in surprise.


“Me?” Dawn kissed him tenderly on the forehead.


“We’re two halves of a whole, light and dark, perfect balance. We were always meant to be together. Spike is darkness personified; yet he chooses to fight against his nature even without the aid of a soul. He is different from all other vampires. He’s special, unique. An instrument of evil fighting for good.” She smiled at him lovingly before continuing. “I am the light. I have been feared and worshipped, but never understood. Throughout the ages I have been sought as a weapon of destruction, but that has never been my true purpose. When the monks made me human they were fulfilling a prophecy they weren’t even aware of. My relationship with Spike, our…coming together started a change and my metamorphosis began. I became more aware, more in tune with myself and the universe. I knew things, but I wasn’t yet aware of how.


The process would have been slower, taken longer, but Drusilla’s attack put me into a state where the process was accelerated and completed much more quickly. I’m different now; I can do things that I couldn’t do before.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “I can affect electrical current and energy fields, I can travel easily through this dimension and most others; I can affect bodily functions and processes, which is actually why I was able to heal Anya. I know…so many things now; it’s strange.” She shook her head. “Anyway, I think you get the general idea.” There was silence as they took in what she had said.


“Is that why you’re so strong?” Spike asked suddenly. Dawn shook her head.


“No, I did that with a lot of hard work and late nights at the gym.”


“What exactly is your purpose?” Giles asked, leaning forward. “You didn’t say.”


“There are dark forces that have been lying in wait for many, many years, waiting for their time to rise. That time is drawing near. There will be battles fought against them, battles that won’t necessarily be won. I was created to keep their domination from becoming complete.” Dawn held Spike’s hand tightly, her distress evident.


“What are these dark forces? Who-?” Giles began, but Dawn held her hand up and said apologetically,


“I’ve told you all that I can; I’m sorry.” Giles looked worried. Willow looked up, a question in her eyes.


“Can you do magic?” she asked.


“Not really. I can manipulate my surroundings, but technically it isn’t magic. It has more to do with what I am and how that influences things. But I do know a lot about magic, some spells you could probably use.”


“You can travel through other dimensions?” Anya repeated in astonishment.


“Yes, courtesy of my “keyness”. I don’t tear down the walls now; I go right through them.”


They decided to all stay together at Dawn’s; no one wanted to be by themselves after everything that had happened. Everyone was still reeling slightly from all that Dawn had told them. Living on the Hellmouth the unusual had become mundane, but the supernatural still took a little getting used to at times, especially when it involved one of their own. They wondered what would happen next.



The prophets, as expected, were fairly useless. They spouted a lot of mumbo jumbo about the end drawing near and battles that needed to be fought, but nothing about where to find the girl or how to stop her. Sorcha left them to see if Brigham had found anything out. She looked all around and finally found him in Drusilla’s room. She was asleep while he sat quietly in the corner.


“What the hell are you doing?” she demanded. He turned slowly and looked at her, a dazed look in his eyes.


“It’s coming,” he replied. She stared at him in confusion.




“It’s coming.”


“What’s coming?”


“It wants to set us free.” Sorcha glanced at Dru and then at Brigham before putting her hands to her head.


“Don’t do this Brigham.” He smiled at her. “What did she do to you?”


“She showed me the way,” he replied happily. Sorcha growled in frustration before storming out of the room and slamming the door. What the hell was going on? Had whatever was wrong with Dru begun to spread? Would it happen to her too? She had to keep everyone away from the two grinning idiots and figure out what was going on. That damn girl; she couldn’t wait to kill her and be done with it.



Dawn lay with her back pressed against Spike, his arm draped casually across her waist. She was really tired, but she was finding it extremely difficult to get to sleep. She felt Spike shift behind her and then he said softly,


“Are you awake?”


“Yeah. You can’t sleep either?” He shook his head.


“I don’t know why; I’m bloody exhausted!” He snuggled closer to her and lightly stroked her arm with his fingertips. “What’s it like?”


“What?” she asked.


“All that knowledge floating around inside your mind; does it seem strange?”


“It’s different, but not really in a bad way. At times it gives me a sense of peace; it’s kind of nice to finally understand my place in the world.” He smiled and kissed the top of her head.


“Was there really ever any doubt that you were something special?” She hugged his arm in appreciation. “You know Dru won’t let this go, right? She’ll keep coming after all of you.”


“I’m not worried about Drusilla; she shouldn’t be too hard to handle. There is another one, much older, that’s going to be a problem. We’re going to have to fight her and she’s very strong.”


“Tell me about her,” Spike said.


“She was young when she was turned, but she was already a great Celtic warrior. She’s only grown more powerful, on a lot of levels, over time.” She turned toward him. “You met her.”


“Sorcha?” he asked and she nodded.


“She’s slaughtered millions and millions of people,” she gazed up at him, sadness in her eyes. “The way she looks has served her well over the years; her appearance is very deceptive; young, beautiful, helpless, they instinctively trust her.” Spike pulled her into his chest and nuzzled his cheek comfortingly against her hair. “She wants me dead; she’s searching for us right now.” They were both silent as they thought about what was to come; Spike wondered if they were ready. He held tight to Dawn, knowing it was possible that before all this was over he might lose her.



Spike’s little girlfriend. That’s who had caused the trouble. Sorcha felt foolish for not figuring it out sooner; it made such perfect sense. Although she still didn’t know what she had done to Dru or how it had passed to Brigham. It wouldn’t take long to track her down, but there was no way she’d be able to get to her in her home. She and all her friends would be on high alert now, plus Spike and the other girl had seen her and knew who she was. I’ll have to make them come to me, she thought with a smile. She walked up the stairs to her room; she knew exactly what she would need.

Chapter 18