All my naughty little thoughts

otherwise known as my blog.

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This blog has been discontinued. If you are still interested in what is going on in my life you can find my livejournal here

5/29/03 - I've gotten a little crazy with Photoshop. I made fan art, I made link buttons; I'm just having so much fun with it. Also, I'm crazy in love with Faith/Angel as a ship right now. I'm not sure why; I mean everyone knows she belongs with Wesley (right?), but for some reason F/A is all I want to write, and the photo manips of the two of them practically make themselves. Well, actually, I busted my ass making those, but you get my point!

4/28/03 - So, I've been having problems uploading to my site. Consequently this blog hasn't been updated in a couple months. Here's a brief recap of what's new in my life:

I went to bartending school. I graduated this past Saturday. It was so much fun, and I met a lot of wonderful people. Plus, I'm a bartender now. Rock!

I'm moving to Georgia in a couple weeks. I have all my stuff packed up, and I'll be heading off pretty soon. I'm moving in with Carol. My best friend is going to be my roommate. Woohoo!

I moved the website. Geocities was being in a huge pain in my ass, not letting me upload, and then not responding to my numerous emails requesting assistance. So I said, "Fuck 'em!"

2/05/03 - Wow, I haven't updated this sucker in forever! Okay, I went down to Georgia to visit my best friend, so I suppose I'll put up some of my stories from the visit. Check it out:

First night I get into town, we go out to a bar with this guy (Roelle) that Carol is sort of involved with (read - having crazy, naked sex, but not officially "together"). Everything is cool, except I have to drink fucking Smirnoff Ice because itís not a full bar; no Jack and Coke for me (and I canít stomach beer). We have a lot of fun Ė weíre drinking, weíre smoking, we play a little air hockey (yeah, weíre 12) Ė and then this other guy (Orlando) shows up.

Now I met this guy on my last visit, and ever since heís been telling Carol how much he likes me. Iím like, dude, what the fuck ever! You met me once and youíre already in love? Can we say, desperate? (Oh, yeah, and heís married, too. Asshole.) Anyway, Carol had made it clear that I was not interested AT ALL, and he said that it was okay; he just wanted to be my friend. Yeah. Right.

So we close the bar down, and itís time to go home and Carol realizes that sheís way too hammered to drive. I definitely couldnít drive so the guys said theyíd give us a ride home. Nice of them, huh? Yeah, not so much. Carol decides she wants to mess around with Roelle, and makes me ride with Orlando. Iím fine with it at first because she assures me that he wonít try anything. ďHeís not like that,Ē she says. And I believe it. Judgment calls? Not my forte when drunk.

So we follow them because Orlando doesnít know the way to Carolís house, and Iím really too drunk to focus on which way weíre going. Everything is fine until I have to pee. I decide to wait till we get to the house because everything is closed, but it finally gets to the point where I either have to be embarrassed about peeing on the side of the road somewhere or be embarrassed about wetting my pants in this guyís brand new truck. I, of course, picked the first option.

So Orlando pulls over, and I run off and do my business figuring I can call Carolís cell phone for directions to the house. I get back in the truck and we head down the road only to see them going the opposite direction. So we turn around to follow them and they pull into this parking lot and, you know, park. We figure they decided to mess around so I try to call Carol because I just want to go home. She doesnít answer her phone. Twelve times I call, and no answer.

Orlando decides weíll just drive around until theyíre done. I thought that idea sucked, but I didnít really know what else to do. We drive around for close to an hour, and Iím calling Carol like, every five minutes. Finally, Orlando just pulls in to some driveway and parks. Itís dead silent for awhile and I almost fall asleep, but then he starts talking about how much he likes me. Now Iím wide awake Ďcause I can totally see where this is heading.

He takes my hand and says that if I ever need anything heís there for me, and Iím feeling very uncomfortable because I barely know this guy and itís just very weird. Iím kind of pulling my hand away when he leans in and gets all kissy and grabby. So, Iím all fending him off and telling him to stop, but heís one of those guys that demands an explanation of why you donít want to instead of just letting the ďnoĒ speak for itself. He leans in again so I turn my head away, and he fucking bites my neck!

I shove him away, and I guess he finally get the fucking point because he actually leaves me alone. I just want to get the hell out of there so I call Carol. And call, and call, and call Ė still no answer. So now itís really awkward sitting with this guy, and he decides to make it worse by opening his stupid mouth and speaking. He starts talking about how cold I am and how maybe I have a problem (you know, sexually, because apparently if I can resist his masculine charms, something must be wrong with me).

I had to sit there for two hours while I kept calling Carolís cell phone; he fell asleep, and I decided that I didnít care what Carol was doing Ė I was gonna have to interrupt it. I woke Orlando up and told him to drive me over to where Carol and Roelle were parked. So I storm over and bang on the window, keeping my eyes averted so I donít see anything, and the door slowly opens (after I knock three more times). I whip the door open, and what do I find? Theyíre fucking asleep!! Iím sitting for two hours with Mr. Sensitivity and theyíre sleeping. *shakes head*

I got Carol to give me some general directions, and I managed to get back to the house. I was pissed off at her for about twenty minutes, but then she showed up and we talked and everything was cool again. I actually had a lot of fun that night; except for the awkward ending, it was a real blast. 

**** 

Sunday, the second day I was there, wound up being kind of a day of recovery. Carol had to work a double so I took a shower and slept quite a bit. Watched the Super Bowl, even though I didnít really give a ratís ass about it.

Monday we started moving her stuff to her new apartment. Now, let me be very clear on this Ė I fucking hate moving. I hate everything about it, the packing, the loading stuff, driving it where it needs to go, unloading Ė everything. But somehow the move was fun. Go figure.

We picked up the first load of shit, and then went and picked up her friend, William. William is just the greatest guy ever in the history of guys; heís smart and funny and sweet and he sings and plays guitar and (bonus!) heís a model. If he was straight Iíd propose marriage, but as it is heís a great friend and it is SO nice to hang out with a guy who looks you in the eyes when he talks to you. ;) I met William last time I went down there, and I already feel like heíll probably be a lifelong friend.

We all went out for Chinese, and it was like an hour of laughing so hard my sides hurt. He helped us unload the truck afterwards, but then we had to take him home. So Carol and I picked up another load of stuff. We put way too much junk in the back and then tied on the mattress and box spring with an extension cord because we had no rope. So the whole ride to the apartment we had to take turns holding the end of the extension cord that was looped through the window because if we didnít it wouldnít stay taut and the box spring would go flying up. And Carol had to drive under forty with her hazards on or it started bouncing around. It was hilarious.

So we got back and unloaded all the shit and got some food. We wound up watching a movie and heading for bed kinda early that night. Carol had to work the next day from
5-10pm so she left me her truck so I could get around if I needed to.

~ Carolís truck was very obviously made by the devil. ~

Okay, to give you some background on the truck situation I have to go back to the first night I was there. Before we went to the bar we went out to start her truck, and the alarm started going off. We couldnít shut it off and it wouldnít let you start the engine (anti-theft or something). What it did do was emit a piercing wail for 60 seconds, stop for a brief moment until you touched the steering wheel or shut the door, and then go off again.

We sat for an hour trying to figure out how to disconnect it and still have the truck work (the alarm wailing the whole time) and finally one of the guys she works with managed to at least disconnect the thing that made the loud noise. But the truck still didnít start.

After about twenty minutes of fiddling around we figured out that if you pressed this button hanging from a wire behind the clutch and then tried to start it you could get it going. So from then on Carol had no trouble starting the truck. I, on the other hand, had no such luckÖ

I head out to pick her up from work, and I press the button, I do all the things Iím supposed to, butÖ nothing. So I try about ten more times and then I call Carol and tell her the news. Okay, long story short (or less long, at least) Ė she gets a ride home, starts it right up, and we figure out that you have to press the button while you hold in the clutch. Iím too short to do this so we decide I wonít take the truck on my own anymore.

Anyway, that night we went out to this place called Taco Mac. Itís kind of a combination bar/restaurant. We ordered some appetizers and then start calling people she knows to see if anyone wants to hang. No one was around so we just goofed off with each other. I had three of the strongest Jack and cokes Iíve ever had in my life, but Carol just had a beer because she was driving.

These guys come in, and Carol says, ďHey! Thatís the guy that did my tattoo!Ē He looks at her for a second, and heís got this Ďwhat the hell are you talking aboutí look on his face. Then he remembers and he comes over and sits with us for awhile. I just have to say, I have never seen anyone as wasted as this guy obviously was, and you could tell it wasnít just the drunk kind of wasted either. But he was pretty cool so we bought him a beer and talked for a bit.

Later, after I was a little drunk myself, I called my friend, John and woke him up at like, one in the morning. Johnís so great though because I can do shit like that and heís actually happy to hear from me. We talked for about twenty minutes with me rambling on about the ďgood old daysĒ when he and Carol and I all hung out down in south Georgia.

We finally left and went home to crash. The next morning I woke Carol up when the alarm went off. She was totally hating me because I didnít have a hangover and was all chipper. It was funny. Anyway, that morning was Wednesday, I think. Wednesday a whole shit load of stuff happened, and not all of it very good so Iíll tell that story next time.

12/28/02 - Fan Fiction Pet Peeves

Okay, I've seen most or all of these in bad fic and they just make an already horrible piece of writing even worse. Some of these I've seen in really great fic so I try to ignore them, but they still bug me.

1. cold dead seed - this phrase or any variation of this phrase should be banned from all fanfic FOREVER! Let's say it is cold - why should I care? This phrase is not romantic or erotic or sexy in the least so just delete it from your sex scene and move on.

2. grandsire or Childe or (God forbid) grandchilde - If the story is brilliant it's a minor irritation; if the story sucks ass - I want to take this word and beat you to death with it. I can deal with grandsire somewhat, but the other two? Kill me now.

3. Zander, Druscilla, Terra, etc. - Come on, people! Learn how to spell their fucking names; it's not that hard!

4. Xander is an unrepentant asshole with no redeeming qualities - Yes, Xander can, on occasion, be a self righteous prick. However, he's also brave, loyal, and caring. If you make me hate him and don't redeem him in the end I don't enjoy the story. To me, that is NOT the Xander from the show.

5. Mary Sues - Defend them all you want. I hate them, they're not the person I want to read about, and if I see one in a story I will stop reading immediately.

6. Willow saying, "Oh, Goddess!" - Yes, this has become canon. Do I still hate it? More than ever.

7. Spike saying anything along the lines of, "For Satan's sake." - He has said 'God' or 'Oh, god' on the show more times than I can remember. I've never heard him utter anything remotely similar to the line above. Also, it's about the most ridiculous sounding line ever.

8. Stupid Anya - Many people seem to mistake being blunt with being an idiot. Anya is not an idiot; she runs a business and makes sound investments with her money. She also knows a great deal about demons and demonology.

Spelling and grammar are a given, and I know I have a lot more peeves than this, but I'm getting sleepy now so I'll post more tomorrow.

12/19/02 - Spike vs. Angel? Fuck that. I want 'em both!

Iím taking the risk of being pelted with produce by all the Angel haters for saying this, butÖ 

I like Angel. I like the character. I like the show. I even like DBís portrayal of Angel. Sure, he wonít be moving on to a big time movie career any time soon or winning any Oscars, but I think he does well with what heís got. I like brooding Angel, I like Angel in pain, I like ass-kicking Angel, I like the evil that is Angelus, and I think I probably love goofy Angel best of all. I know a lot of people canít stand goofy Angel, but I think heís frickiní hilarious. The dancing, the silliness, the occasional clumsiness Ė itís all great. 

I also like Spike. No, scratch that; I love Spike. I loved him when he was evil, I loved him when he was all morally ambiguous, and I continue to love him now that he has a soul. Sure, Iíd like to see Spike being all snarky and kickass, but Iím also enjoying the tortured vamp bit. Also, JMís acting? Phenomenal! 

Iíve never felt a need to compare the two of them, in the sense of one being better than the other. I donít think either one of them is better; theyíre just different. Angel was cursed with a soul and now he tries to help the helpless; occasionally he stumbles. Spike got a government chip, fell in love with Buffy, and sought a soul so he could be a better man. Maybe one is better than the other, maybe not. I donít really care. I like them both, Iím invested in both their journeys and I donít feel I have to hate one of them because I love the other. 

Iíve made no secret of the fact that I think JM is nine kinds of gorgeous, but I also think DB looks pretty good too. (I definitely wouldnít kick the guy out of bed.) So Iíve never understood the whole thing about DB being a big, ugly lug. Yes, I prefer JMís look, but I donít think DB is disgusting. I mean, on the one hand we have tall, broad, and dark, and on the other we have compact, light, and chiseled Ė itís the perfect contrast. I could have SO much fun playing with the two of them. MmmÖ yeah, baby! 

Having said all that, I must also say that I am a die-hard B/S shipper. Angel and Buffy had their time, and it made for some wonderful, painful angst, but itís over now and ultimately Iíd like Buffy to be with Spike. Whether that happens or not remains to be seen. 

I also want to say that I understand some people just donít like Angel, and thatís fine with me. If you donít like the character (or the actor), then you just donít, and youíre entitled to your opinion. Iím cool with it. I just wanted to make my feelings clear. (Doesnít mean I donít love seeing Spike beat Angel with a stick Ė thatís some good stuff!) 

Anyway, to recap Ė I love Spike. I love Angel. Theyíre both hot. Yeah. That about sums it up!

12/16/02 - Voting is now open at for the Eternity Awards so get your ass over there and vote for me! The link is on the main page (and also further down on this page, I think.) Yep, I checked - my 12/02 entry has the link.

12/12/02 - I came very close to punching a Mormon in the face this morning. No offense to any Mormons who may read this - I'm sure you're very nice - but why must you come to my door in the morning and try to foist your religion upon me? I have nothing against Mormons in general (or Jehovah's witnesses either), but if I wanted to be part of your religion I would come to your church. Don't corner me in my home first thing in the morning and expect me to invite you in so you can tell me all about how I should be living my life or whatever. Because if I wanted someone to tell me how to live my life I'd invite my mother-in-law to live with me.

I have my own beliefs. I don't adhere to any specific religion. I've come to my own conclusions about what I should and should not be doing, and I live my life as best I can. I do NOT like to have other people trying to force their opinions on me. If you're not adversarial about it, I will listen to your point of view and keep an open mind, but ultimately I have to do what my conscience dictates.

Anyway.

I've got like, three different ideas for fics rolling around in my brain. Actually, they started forming late last night, and I had a hard time getting to sleep. I finally had to jot down some notes before heading back to bed and then I slept just fine. I think maybe I was nervous I'd forget them or something.

I watched this vid called 'Bring Me Back to Life' by Nos and Marrec. It is frickin' amazing, the timing is perfect, the clips fit the song perfectly, and it's incredible the way the guy's part is fitted to Spike and the woman's part to Buffy. Seriously, I watched this thing about ten times when I first downloaded it, and I kept noticing new stuff every freaking time. Go check it out here. NOW!

12/08/02 - I'm reading Hard Candy by wisteria and annie sewell-jennings. It's just so friggin' amazing. I haven't finished it yet because I got through with 'Drop Out' and sat here sobbing like a baby. I'm going to try to finish it now, but if you haven't read it, you should. It's absolutely amazing.

12/06/02 - I gotta say, I absolutely love Coldplay; they have some very beautiful songs, but listening to their music makes me sad.

Anyway, I've been working on my site redesign, and it's coming along nicely. I'm having alot of fun with it. When I first started my site I had just started learning how to use Photoshop. Now, while I am still far from being an expert, I kind of know what I'm doing so I've made some cool pictures for the site (well, I think they're cool, anyway).

My sleep schedule is all wonky now, and I have no clue how to fix it. I can't get to sleep until six or seven in the morning, and then I get up around one. It doesn't really bother me except that it seems kind of weird. Eh, whatever.

I wish that my best friend was into Buffy. It seems like most of the people I know online that are obsessed with Buffy have a good friend that they can share their obsession with. Can you believe my best friend hasn't watched even one episode of Buffy? How is this possible?

12/03/02 - 'A Kiss Before Waking' is nominated in the Precious Illusions fanfiction awards. I should be saying 'Yay!', right? Well, guess who I'm up against. Go ahead, guess. Nautibitz for In Heat, Dee Bradfield for Shades of Gray, and Valerie X for Super Food World. Yeah, I have a shot. (That was sarcasm you heard there.) Nice to be nominated though.

12/02/02 - Wow, I haven't updated my blog in ages! Okay, quick update with more detail later - I loved the last Buffy ep. Thanksgiving was great, and I had lots of fun with my family. If you like my stories you need to go to The Eternity Awards and vote for me. Voting hasn't started yet, but keep checking and help me win!

11/18/02 - Tonight's episode of Angel was just frickin' brilliant. I loved, loved, loved the fight scenes. Wesley just gets more manly every week. When he pulled out the guns and started shooting I was in awe, and don't even get me started on when he pulled out the shotgun. Whoo, baby! Fred kinda pissed me off with her whole attitude towards Gunn. She told Wesley that one of the things she loved about Gunn was that he would never do something like that (vengeance killing) so I knew it was gonna be a big problem when he killed that guy. But still... could she be any more of a hypocrite? She expected Gunn to just accept her killing someone, but then gets all 'don't touch me' when he does it for her? Bitch. I was actually starting to like her, but now I think she just needs to be slapped.

And now for what bothered me the most: Connor and Cordelia - There is not enough yuck in the world to describe how I feel about these two gettin' it on. First of all, she was there when he was born; she changed his diapers and cuddled him when he was a baby, for God's sake! The idea that she would have sex with him is just disgusting. Second, these two have zero chemistry. Maybe that's what ME is going for, but even when they weren't making with the kissing their scenes just held no appeal. I don't buy for a second that she would feel that close to him, and I find it odd that he's in love with her considering they've spent very little time together up until now. Third, so she doesn't want to be with Angel right now - that's fine - but she did say she loved him. The world is ending and instead of being worried or concerned about her friends or the man she loves she's having sex with Angel's son? What the fuck ever. Fourth, how is this 'something real' for Connor? Okay, so he gets to have sex with the woman he loves, but really - why is that so great? She doesn't love him, he knows she doesn't love him, and I don't think he's even really in love with her. ME bumped his age up to 18 so the sex is all legal and aboveboard, but he's still emotionally stunted. All he's know is pain and death and he's still trying to figure out who and what he is. I don't think it was very wise of Cordy to have comfort sex with a boy who is still, for all intents and purposes, a confused child. I don't think she's doing him any favors. And also, it's Just. So. Sickening.

In non-BtVS/Angel news, I twisted my ankle today and almost fell. It hurt ALOT. Also, you have GOT to go read mr. monkeybottom's blog (the one about rejected Penthouse letters). I laughed and laughed and laughed till it hurt. Then, just when I thought I had myself under control, I laughed and laughed again. Seriously. Go. Now. Read it.

I got an email from Miss Murchison today and she very nearly made me cry. I'm planning to reply to her at length later, but I just wanted to take this opportunity to say that she is just unbelievably sweet. She sent me some wonderful feedback on all my stories and it really meant more to me than words can say. Thank you, Miss Murchison. Everyone needs to go read your work and shower you with lavish (and well deserved) praise.

11/15/02 - So I'm still hanging in there with Firefly (I'm nothing if not loyal), and I've discovered that I'm a Jayne/River shipper. Weird? Yes. Crazy? Kinda. BUT I think it's possible. He just seems to hate her SO much, and I think it would be kinda cool if he fell for her. Plus, he's such a cold-hearted, badass, son-of-a-bitch that it seems only right that he should fall for the little crazy chick. As for her falling for him - he's a handsome, rugged, badass, mercenary type; what's not to like? Plus, I'm betting he'd be really good at fighting off the bad guys that want to kidnap her and, you know, protecting her in general.

I was going to talk about this week's Buffy, but then I read mr. monkeybottom's blog and anything I say will just pale in comparison. Damn you, monkeybottoms! Damn you to hell! I'm kidding, of course; I love monkeybottoms. She's so damn funny, not to mention talented and sexy and... Mmmm, monkeybottoms.... Okay, got distracted there for a second. So, if you want to know what I thought of Buffy, only way funnier, go read it.

Also, a couple of my stories were nominated in the Shades of Grey Awards. That noise you hear is me squealing in delight! Wheeeee!

11/09/02 - So I thought this week's Buffy was hilarious. Xander and Spike hanging out, saving the day, and running around like kids? Sign me up for that! I loved The Plan - laughed my ass off - and the tug of war over the rocket launcher amused me to no end. Can't wait for next week.

We were talking at Valerie's board about Firefly, and several of us think that the actor and actress that play the doctor and his sister don't exactly have a brother-sister chemistry going. I buy them as a couple more than I buy him and Kaylee. Weird. Anyway, that's about it. Not much going on so not much to blog about.

11/02/02 - I just watched The Ring, and let me just tell you it rocked. I haven't seen such a good scary movie in a long, long time. You know how lately scary movies rely on gore and violence? I hate that. Gore is not scary; it's gross, I'll give them that, but scary it is not. Scary to me is when you sit all tensed up for an hour and a half, filled with dread at what might be around the next corner, and then when you see it you flinch. Not because it's gross or disgusting, but because it's frightening and creepy and you know there's more to come. And then when it's all over you're still shaking from the adrenaline rush. This movie was intense and creepy and very good. If you like scary movies go see it; if you don't like scary movies, this is definitely not for you.

And may I say that fourteen and fifteen year olds need to be chained up and gagged and kept in the house until they're mature enough to handle going to the movies on their own. I am so sick of listening to noisy ass kids laughing and talking during the movie. I remember being that age and I remember being silly with my friends, but I know I never went to a movie with my friends, sat on opposite sides of the theater, and then proceeded to shout and yell to my friends twenty feet away during an intense, suspenseful portion of the movie. Little bastards. And yeah, I know I probably sound old, but you know what? When I pay eight bucks for a frickin' movie I think I deserve to enjoy it without listening to Joe Bob yelling to his buddy about some chicks ass.

You know what else bugs me at the movies? You know how sometimes there's an inspiring speech in a movie or someone gives an especially moving performance? Why do people feel the need to clap? I mean, yeah, great, you appreciate the performance, but THEY CAN'T HEAR YOU!! It's a movie; they're pictures on a screen. It's not like you're at a play where clapping in appreciation actually means something. You're in a dark theater with a bunch of strangers. Nobody gives a rat's ass about your applause. Anyway, that didn't happen at this movie, but I've seen it before and it's annoying.

As are people who scream at scary movies. I have jumped a little when something startles me or the bad guy jumps out from behind something, but I have NEVER screamed while watching a movie - in the theater or at home. Although it is pretty damn startling when the person next to you lets out a frightened squeal. THAT scares me more than the movie. Bunch of amateurs! Learn how to control your frickin' response. Maybe I'm being too harsh, but I grew up in a family that reveled in hiding in dark places and jumping out at you when you least expected it so I learned early on how to control my impulse to scream. I don't think you ever get over flinching, but screaming can be controlled; it's not that hard. I used to release that nervous tension in a flurry of fists on whoever had the misfortune of scaring me, but I've learned to control that impulse too. It's all about control. Learn it. Use it. And quit yelling in my fucking ear!

10/28/02 - I watched CSI: Miami tonight, and man do I need to start checking the TV Guide before I watch this stuff. It was about the search for a murdering pedophile. Needless to say I felt sick to my stomach afterward and more than a little sad. I really can't handle stuff like that. It would be horrible enough to think about if stuff like that never happened in the world. Since that kind of thing goes on every damn day, it makes my heart hurt to think about all those poor children suffering such barbaric cruelties. Same goes for all those movies and TV shows that depict child abuse. I can't even begin to comprehend the kind of mind that would even consider doing such things. When I hear about stuff like that all it does is prove to me that there is real evil in the world (although I pretty much knew that to begin with), and that's scary in a way I don't like to think about. I can't even talk about this anymore because it's just too upsetting.

Anyway, here is a website where you can find out how to help prevent child abuse, and here is a group trying to pass harsher laws for sex offenders. I only scanned the second one so I can't say whether I agree with everything they want to do, but you might want to check it out.

Hopefully my next blog entry won't be quite so sad and depressing.

One more thing - Oh yeah, fanfiction.net is all wonky and says I don't exist today for some reason. Don't believe 'em, people! I'm still there. Hopefully they'll fix it 'cause it's really starting to bug me.

10/25/02 - Okay, I'm getting ready to rant here so if ranting offends you - look away now.

I know alot of people read the Babyverse fan fiction and enjoy it, and that's fine, everybody is entitled to their own opinion, but many people don't like it and so the Babyverse stories get mentioned in the badfic thread over at TWoP. Alot. Well, last night several of the Babyverse people came over to TWoP's Badfic thread and started posting long drawn out posts defending their work (which is decidedly off-topic and the mod had to step in a couple times) so now the thread is locked. I am extremely upset about this because that was my favorite thread over there, and the people were hilarious (I am so gonna miss mikelesq).

Now I understand it can be sad to find out people don't like your fic, but if you venture into a thread specifically titled 'Bad Buffy Fic' then you should try to handle it maturely rather than breaking the rules and getting the thread shut down because that spoils everyone's fun. I must say that this does not endear the Babyverse people to me. If they wanted to discuss the merits of their work there is a Deep Thoughts thread in which they could have done it; it's allowed over there. As a matter of fact some of them did discuss it in that thread, but only after several long-winded posts in the Badfic thread. I know it wasn't completely the fault of the Babyverse people that the thread got shut down. They did some wrong things, then people broke the rules to respond to them, and also Ace is a bitch of the highest order (she's the one that locked it). I'm just very upset about the thread being gone, and the Babyverse people kinda got the ball rolling so they incurred a little of my wrath.

Now I want to take a second to say that I don't hate the Babyverse people, nor am I putting down the people that read their stories. I'm not even saying all their writing is crap. I'm just saying I didn't like that the thread got shut down.

Now on to a related rant:

Why do some people feel that they must force you to like their writing? I'm cool with people defending their writing against what they perceive to be misconceptions and/or hurtful insult, but if I don't like your story, I don't like it. Period. End of discussion. I am entitled to my opinion just as others are entitled to theirs. I don't have to give a dissertation on the whys and wherefores of my reasoning for not enjoying a story. I got enough of that crap when I was in school; I don't need it in my leisure time. Some people don't like Mary Sues in a story; they just DON'T. It is NOT a personal attack on your family so don't act like it is and try to tell me that I should just read more because you're sure I'd like it if I just read ALL the stories. I don't have to read all the frickin' stories; I don't have to read ANY of the frickin' stories if I don't want to. People can write whatever the hell they want, but that doesn't mean I'm required to like it OR read it.

I am so sick of people trying to foist their opinions on others and then acting like anyone who disagrees with them is an idiot. I am NOT an idiot, my friends are NOT idiots. People who disrespect the opinions of others are idiots. If you can't deal with people having differing opinions maybe you should go live in a cave somewhere and write your Mary Sue stories to your heart's content. Just stay the fuck away from me because while I will recognize your right to do what you want, think what you want, say what you want, and write what you want, I WILL NOT put up with your attempt to take those rights from me or to force your views upon me.

If you're writing a story it is not my responsibility to "learn to like it". It is the author's job to write an engaging story (although I think you should always write for yourself first). If I am not engaged, I won't read it. That doesn't mean it's a bad story; it just means it's not for me, and I have the right not to like it. I don't have to give you convincing arguments on its merits or lack thereof, and I don't have to reevaluate my opinion just because other people like the story. Because it's MY opinion, and I am allowed to have it. Whether you think so or not.

Here endeth the rant.

10/22/02 - I swear, if I get one more email about penis enlargement I'm going to have to start kicking some ass. It wouldn't bother me if I got one every now and then, but it's EVERY DAY and like, twenty a day. First of all, I am NOT a man so I have no need for this service. My email addy is kittyb90, and I'm fairly certain that doesn't give the impression that I AM a man. And let's just suppose they know I'm a woman and they think maybe I want to pass the advertisement from the people at penis enlargements - r - us on to the man they think might be in my life. What the hell kind of crap thinking is that? There is no way in hell I would ever say to some guy, "Don't you think your penis is a little small? Maybe these people could help you." And I'm pretty sure if I did ever say that to a guy it wouldn't be very well received. Also, if I was a guy and I wanted my penis enlarged would it really be a wise choice to go through a company that had emailed me about it? I'm thinking, maybe not.

I read mr.monkeybottom's blog yesterday and she was talking about how creepy the movie The Exorcist is. I just want to take this opportunity to say that I agree with her wholeheartedly. I absolutely LOVE scary movies. I like the suspense and that feeling you get when something jumps out and surprises you. I watch horror flicks all the time, and yeah sometimes they're pretty creepy, but they never bother me. Not deep down anyway; I usually forget about that pulse pounding feeling fairly soon after the movie is over. The Exorcist continues to bother me to this day. I watched that movie for the first time about six years ago, and I've never been able to watch it again. I tried, once, and got really freaked out and had to shut it off. It gave me bad dreams and I'm pretty sure it's responsible for me not being able to go to sleep at night without making sure the door is locked. Not that locking the door would help against the frickin' devil, but fear is often illogical. Like when little kids think pulling the covers over their head will protect them from monsters. Because no monster could ever possibly penetrate the safety of a comforter. Of course some people think my inability to rest until I'm sure the door is locked stems from my somewhat obsessive-compulsive personality, but what the hell do they know?

10/18/02 - So obviously I'm a great big liar. I said I updated every day, but I haven't been. I'm a bad, bad girl and I deserve to be punished. Any volunteers? I've been listening to Billy Idol today, and yes, I realize you're probably all laughing now, but I don't care. I like him and I'm not ashamed to admit it. It reminds me of when I was younger.

I haven't updated lately because my life has been fairly boring. Well, except for having to get out in the pouring rain to fix my truck when it wouldn't start. That sucked. Oh, yeah, and I almost got run off the road by some idiot in big ass truck that same night. I guess that was pretty exciting but not in a good way. I've been working on the next chapter of Novus Ordo Seclorum, but it's going very slowly. I know what I want to have happen, but I'm having a hard time getting into it. Probably because the new season is on and it's hard to switch back and forth. Anyway. Maybe something neat will happen today and I can blog about it tomorrow. I won't hold my breath though.

10/15/02 - Well, I've officially fallen off the wagon. Although I don't know if other smokers would consider me a true smoker since I only have one a day. Not one pack, one cigarette. Right before bed. I guess it's better than smoking a pack and a half or two a day, but it's still not real healthy.

And how much did I love Spike this week? Loved the basement scene, loved him coming to the rescue - "I'm a bad man." Yeah, you are baby, and that's just the way we love you! Also, psychic girl's "Someday she'll tell you." does wonders for my shippy little heart. I also loved the scene at Tara's grave. Very moving. Now. How much do I hate Zachary Ty Bryan (or Zachary Bryan as he's going by these days)? More than words can say. I'm sorry, but that kid can't act; he's just a big puffy blob. Anytime I see him in something I want to smack the casting director. Besides the lack of acting ability, something about him bugs me. I can't quite put my finger on it, but I wish they hadn't chosen him as the head bad guy. Something about Xander bugged this week too; I have no clue what. Next week appears to be All. About. Anya. Wheee! Sign me up for that.

10/13/02 - So I worked out today and it was like, the best workout ever. Normally when I work out I can't wait till it's over, but today it just felt great. I felt good, I wasn't tired, and when it was over I felt more energetic than ever. It was a very strange experience; I wish working out was like that all the time because my body would be rock hard.

I watched Angel tonight; it was great. Here's what I loved: Wesley - he is kicking some serious ass. Can you even imagine Buffy S3 Wes being able to do that kind of stuff? His voice even sounds different. Angel - I just generally liked him this ep., and I'm glad that he knows about W/L although I did wonder why he didn't vamp out when he was fighting. And was his hair different? Lilah because, well, she's Lilah. Here's what I could've done without: The Cordy stuff is already old. Either rescue her ass or quit showing her. Fred freaking out. I guess I can understand it, but it was still annoying.

10/12/02 - I meant to mention when I first started this blog that I totally ripped off this red on black theme from Valerie. Some people have insulted her site design, but I absolutely love it thus the blatant rip-off! I didn't want to be completely unoriginal though so I only used it here.

So I just watched Queen of the Damned. There's a couple hours of my life that I'll never get back. And yes, I had heard that it sucked, but I like to form my own opinions so I watched it anyway. What a steaming pile of crap! Okay, Lestat was not really the Lestat I remembered, and apparently he wanted to be a rock star. Aw, isn't that nice. So then he falls in love with some chick he spent all of ten minutes with. And she keeps him from being all evil. Or something. I wasn't paying too much attention towards the end.

I love vampire movies, but it's weird to watch them after having watched Buffy for so many years. The vampire mythology is all different and I find myself wishing it was a Buffy movie instead. Like in QotD when Lestat went to LA I said, "I guess Angel's gonna have to kick his ass." And that would've actually been nice. 'Cause Lestat really needed a good ass kicking. What a weenie.

10/11/02 - So I finally watched Birds of Prey, and it was pretty good. I think I'll have to see more before I decide if I like it or not. The first episode didn't immediately grab me so we'll have to see. I like the concept, and the acting was fairly solid, but... I don't know. There was nothing about it that really made me say, "Wow!" But then that's happening alot this season. I started watching Firefly because, hey! Joss Whedon! Is it everything I'd hoped? Nowhere near. Does it barely hold my attention as I drift into unconsciousness? I'd like to answer that question with a snore. John Doe? Great concept, lousy actor. Actually I don't know if it's the actor or the character, but the guy annoys me. Last episode he was less hyper and they deep-sixed the voiceover, which was a big improvement, but he still spouts useless knowledge for no reason. Yeah, I get it. He knows everything, but why does it just come pouring out of his frickin' yap all the time. I mean, I know alot about psychology and math, but I don't just spout off the theories of Freud and Jung when someone mentions thinking. Nor do I go into a detailed biography of Pythagoras whenever I see a triangle.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Birds of Prey is as bad as the other two, just that the new shows this season are fairly underwhelming. At least Buffy has gotten better this season. Otherwise, I'd probably give up on TV altogether.

Well, that's a bold-faced lie, but you get my point.

10/10/02 - I was going to write about Birds of Prey today, but since I taped it and haven't gotten around to watching it I guess that'll have to wait till tomorrow. I did, however, tighten a loose battery cable on my truck last night and get it to start all by myself. For a girl who's never even changed a tire that is exciting stuff.

That cigarette the other night has reawakened my cravings, but so far I haven't given in. It's tough though because it's getting cold up here, and every time I breathe in that cold, crisp air the urge hits me like a truck. I think it might be because my parents used to make me smoke outside in the winter to get me to quit. Thanks alot, guys!

I made some buttons for the site last night and I really love them (yeah, I'm humble, right?). I think they're pretty and they were fun to make so - good for me. The one with Faith is kinda sexy looking, but I think that has more to do with Eliza than my Photoshop skills. Anyway, nothing much happened today so I'm done.

10/9/02 - So yesterday I was looking around the site making sure everything works right, and I noticed a few things. One was a typo that I immediately fixed (because I'm anal about stuff like that) and the other was that my hit counter doesn't work. Now I know people have been here, and I've been here a million times checking stuff out, but my hit counter just sits down there with its lonely looking little 1. I'm gonna get rid of it because it looks pathetic.

I saw this commercial last night about breast cancer, and at the end they said, "Together we can lick breast cancer." Now what the hell kind of lame ass slogan is that? I'm all for raising money for research and all that to fight breast cancer, but seriously, is that really the image they want to leave us with? I don't think so.

I watched Buffy last night, and I just have to say that I loved the Willow/Anya scenes, and Anya in general was great. She was funny and compassionate, and EC is great with subtle emotion. And Spike, I think that after last weeks amazing ending there should have been some follow up, but it was kind of brushed off. Does everyone know about the soul now? Did Buffy tell anyone, and what did they think about it? I want details people!

10/8/02 - So, I got the site up FINALLY, and man, was it a hassle. I planned to have it up last night, but I made one stupid mistake, and wound up having to fix everything. It was a huge frustration and I wound up giving in and smoking a cigarette. Best damn cigarette of my life.

 I have this email buddy who is just the sweetest person in the world. I sent them an email around six in the morning going on and on about my stupid mistake, and they emailed back with support, comfort, and advice. It really meant a lot; I think Iíll offer them a night of incredible sex as a reward. Arenít I so nice to my friends?

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